Yes, you read that right. The last time I got on or near a scale I weighed in at 204lbs. Via weight watchers. I haven't always weighed this large amount, and there have been other times when I've weighed 42lbs more than that.
No matter what my weight, I always seem to have a bigger sense of self esteem than I perhaps should. I think I'm HOT on my worst days. (Delusional is what others would probably say). Don't get me wrong, there are days when I feel overwhelmed by it all, even hating how I look, and wishing that I had enough interest to go the gym and spin my weight off like I'd once done before. Or that I'd magically wake up and HATE the taste of potato chips & chocolate. I mean there are people who don't ever touch junk food, right?
Most of my "skinny" friends don't feel cravings for it at all. However, most of them do one or all of the following things; illegal drugs, weight loss pills, appetite suppressants, smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, work out 4 hours every day, drink pots of coffee & starve themselves. They seem happy though. I usually wind up with the jitters, a massive migraine, and feel like shit if I do any of those things, and, if I did them all, well let's just say my heart would probably explode from high blood pressure, and that would be that.
So I know you're probably wondering where I carry my weight and just how fat am I.. to be honest, it's a bit weird. I'm definitely carrying most of it right on my belly, and the inside of my thighs have tiny little squishy areas of fat.. and on my vag - my lips are fatter than my skinny girlfriends areas are. Yes, we look. I'm bisexual, so I'm interested in seeing other girls parts.
I also have fat on my arms, and face. Puffiness and jiggle that I admit I'd like to lose. For some reason, I don't want to lose it from my vagina. I like the fact that my clit is behind curtains. It only comes out to play when it's stimulated. Then back it goes until there's an encore. Or till someone actually parts the curtains and sticks their tongue in.
I don't think I believe that there are men out there who are attracted sexually to "fat" women. I mean I realise there are all these terms like BBW - big beautiful women, Voluptuous, Curvaceous, chubby, squishy, fatties.. all being hounded by proclaimed "chubby chasers".
When I think about it, I don't understand if they're actually sexually attracted to the fat itself, or if they just really like the look of a fat chick. Do they have an actual fetish for fat?
I know there's a whole group of men who like women who are bigger than them, and who could physically dominate them, but generally I think they want a bodybuilder type of girl. The one who lifts serious weights in the gym, and is all muscled up.
I know they say they want to be squished like a bug by a BBW, but I personally have never met any. What the fuck is up with that? Why do I meet men who like me, even love me, but would love me more if I lost 40lbs?
Most people would admit that fat girls are more fun to be around than skinny bitches any day of the week, but sexually - most men want to fuck someone who looks like a porn star or a stripper. Some of my skinny friends probably only like me because I'm funny. Am I funny because I'm fat? Or am I just funny? I think I'm down to earth.. would I be down to earth if I was 120lbs? Or would I be snotty, and self absorbed?
While not a porn star, nor a stripper, I'm also not sexually wired in a way that I enjoy "regular, vanilla" sex. I like kinky sex, I like being in charge, I love trying new things. For the longest time I've been enamored with female domination, however when YOU hear that, you probably immediately conjure up in your mind this sexy size 4 model, wearing rubber or leather, in 5" heels, holding a whip... while a man like you grovels at her feet. She's probably not 200 lbs....
Today after I worked out and burned 800 calories I went for Fro Yo. I topped it with mochi, coconut and chocolate chips.
You may be 200lbs but u are still a very very beautiful woman 4 sure
ReplyDeleteI think people are attracted to your confidence and cleverness. After all, the largest sex organ is the brain.
ReplyDeleteTo play off the earlier commenter, yes the most important sex organ is the brain, and in BDSM / DS style of play the brain is even more important, so I guess if I were you I would ask myself this.
ReplyDelete1. Am I attracted to BDSM and this style of play because I know that people will yearn for me because I am so fucking creative, witty, intelligent, and devious, and therefore my appearance will always be secondary.
2. Do men say they are physically attracted to me because most of them cant separate their brains from their cocks, and in reality they are attracted to my dominance, and my mind.
In my case, I can tell you this. As a submissive, I am attracted to your mind. I have never seen your body, so I may well be attracted to it (BTW yes there are people like me, who see runway models on the streets, or girls at the club, and think, that girl is just way too fucking skinny, I need a girl with legs that might actually kill me when they wrap around my head, and the limited amount of your legs that I have seen on this blog, make me desperate to bury my head in between them)
Could you imagine having a slave that you never allowed you to see you? If he were blindfolded around you all times, never allowed to actually cast his eyes opon you, ever, and only directed as to what to do and where to do it. Lick that, suck this, bend over this, never seeing anything ever... I could, because the who and the where and the when of it all is not nearly as substantive as the what. The who is most important because they define the what. As a creative, witty dominant, of course that is what is most attractive about you. .your ability with regards to the what.
For the record, your mind is clearly not the only thing attractive about you. You talk about body image as well, in your post, but I also think its important that a women has eyes that can tell you “who said you could look directly into my eyes shithead” at one moment, and “oh god I love how you suck on my pussy you little slut” the very next second. They have to be expressive, as yours seem to be
Slave B
That's fucking hot! Thanks for the compliments also ;-) Looking forward to a lunch soon... very soon..
ReplyDeleteChip - thank you! AND I just wanna say, I wasn't fishing for compliments, but they are nice when I get them!!
ReplyDeleteJC - thank you! I am basking in all my glory right now ;-)
ReplyDeleteA few things...
ReplyDeleteFirst, as has been noted previously, if your mind doesn't attract me, whatever your body does for me won't last long.
Second, I find that different body shapes attract me in different ways...
Sure, I'd enjoy being taken down hard by a super-strong woman - my personal trainer and I have discussed this in glorious detail. :-)
And I had a long and delicious relationship with a woman who very petite. It was intimidating for me for a while because she was less than half my size and I was afraid of breaking her when we were getting rough. And frankly, when it came to curling up with her, she had pointy parts where curvy bits would have been more pleasant.
On the the other hand, I had an even longer r-ship with a larger woman - tall and curvy. She wasn't going to be getting any mainstream modeling gigs (the previous woman maybe could have), but her body was...well, perfect to be with. She had an hourglass figure - it was just a bigger hourglass. And she was comfortable with herself. I think that's a huge part of it. Was I attracted to her because she was fat? Despite her being fat? Neither. I was attracted to her. And she was fat.
I've thought about this with respect to myself. I'm a pretty tall boy - 6'1". When my wife met me I weighed 120 and I was me. When I got up to 270 I was still me. And now I'm about 225 - and I'm still me. If you want a waif of a man, then I'm not what you want. If you want a bodybuilder, I'm also probably not for you. But I'm pretty good looking and I move well and hey - I'm a good dancer - and if you like that then maybe that works.
In the end I think we make too big a deal out of appearance. You are not (just) your body. And if I had a chance to worship you from head to toe, it wouldn't (just) be your body I'd be worshiping. Frankly, if it were just your body that would make you no more than a living blow-up doll and we both know that's not what it's about.